TACO MAZAMA Review - "VIP Guacamole" - Glasgow's Best Burrito

Seconds out. Time for round two. This time around the opponent we face is Taco Mazama, within its Hope Street branch. A relatively new venture, Taco Mazama serves an exclusively Scottish market, with three branches in Glasgow and also three in Edinburgh. With a humble mission statement of believing in providing fresh and tasty Mexican street food to the hungry public, they "promise to provide quality, delicious, and healthy Mexican street food time and time again" - some fearless, noble, and some may say reckless claims to make considering how high the stakes. They talk the talk, lets see if they can walk the walk. A restaurant which takes such pride in its burrito craftsmanship must be put to the test. Could they be worthy of the title of Glasgow's Best Burrito. Time to find out. Vamos!

Presentation

The exterior of the restaurant is more 'meat and potatoes' than others - "Taco Mazama, Mexican Street Food" - it does what it says on the tin. No cheesy neon signs or fake shrubbery, just stone cold facts. Good, hopefully this spared expense will be instead sprinkled over my burrito. The interior of the restaurant somewhat followed this theme; some fancy lights - what was ever wrong with a simple lampshade? - overlooking a minimalist seating arrangement across to one side of the restaurant, with a counter at the opposite end to the door. Menus feature on the wall above the tables on the right hand side of the restaurant, and on the other wall lies a mural, which, of course, is full to the gills with Mexican cultural stereotypes: cacti, men with moustaches clad in sombreros, and some lizards. I could well have been in Guadalajara not Glasgow - were it not for the deluge of West coast rain battering against the glass outside.

Preparation

Standing at the counter, we again face the ingredients: meats, beans, salsas, guacamole and sour cream. Each looking fresh, enticing, and eager to please. I was embraced by a welcoming member of staff: "Hello there! What may I get you?". A strong start. Before the toppings construction began, my tortilla was whisked away and, to my jubilation, briefly pressed on a hot plate. A tear began to form in my eye. Titanic music began to play. I felt the warmth of that hot press in my heart. It was a beautiful moment. Afterwards, the toppings began to fly. A careful bed of rice and beans was fashioned, and afterwards an elegant ladle of tender chicken was gently caressed over it. I can only imagine the glee those ingredients felt as they were tucked into that blanket of tortilla. The only part of this process alarming me was the spherical nature of the pile of toppings. It would be a real test of burrito building prestige to sculpt that into a rigid cylinder later down the production line. "Would you like guacamole for 75p extra?" A cold dagger pierced my heart. Treason! Tyranny! Extra cost for guacamole? Would a pizza joint charge you extra for tomatoes on your base? A coffee shop for sugar or milk? No! I felt betrayed as I agreed to this criminal behaviour, and the process was completed. The circular mound of toppings was improvised into a roll-able shape with several forceful shunts, as if CPR was being performed upon it. Thankfully,  this was not a foresight into the burrito experience to follow.

The Burrito

The burrito came wrapped in foil and in a wooden dish similar to that in BARBURRITO, and had a satisfying thickness to it, as if it would provide the wielder great power of some kind. The structure of excalibur-rito was of such a high grade that it could support its own weight and stand on its end, as if it were an ancient Roman column supporting the weight of the Pantheon. The first bite, to my dismay, was pure tortilla. Not an ideal start to proceedings. When I eventually pierced the layer of soft cushy body armour, I exposed the warm, delectable flesh that it was protecting. Now this, mi hermanos, is a burrito. A really quite exquisite distribution had been achieved, and immediately I had a mouthful of beans, meat, rice, guacamole and cheese, each together creating a quite magnificent burrito eating experience. Bite after bite, chew after chew, I fell more in love with this burrito; each mouthful so perfectly exact almost to a Pythagorean level of precision, each ingredient so fresh and well balanced. Were it not for the bitter, poisonous taste of that traitorous guacamole, it would have been close to perfection. I was indeed a hungry member of the public, and this burrito was most certainly fresh and tasty - mission statement accomplished. If such a thing as a qualification in burrito crafting exists, the member of staff who served me today must have a PhD. The structure and sheer strength displayed by this tortilla during the whole eating experience was truly remarkable. Down to the last bite, next to no spillage, no mess, no wastage. One feeble napkin was all that was required throughout the whole process to clean up. I felt almost guilty for ever doubting the methods of my burrito technician, God forbid, for ever doubting the burrito itself after that first tortilla-filled bite. Oh, how foolish I was. Bravo Taco Mazama, bravo.

Conclusion

Taco Mazama provided an overall exceptional burrito experience. It was honest and humble in its promises, and delivered upon them. The decor of the restaurant was inviting and friendly - albeit simple - but it did enough. This is essentially a fast food joint, nobody expects wining and dining. The burrito itself was exquisite: the ingredients as fresh as they come and the preparation executed to a very high degree with an almost perfect level of distribution. However, as we know, nothing can be perfect in this cruel world, and few sins can be considered more unforgivable than having to pay 75p extra for guacamole. Such sacrilege, such audacity, such sheer greed from Taco Mazama. All things considered, this restaurant deserves a very prestigious 8/10. A noble burrito, let down by a below par value for money and a VIP guacamole. Worthy of being Glasgow's Best Burrito? That remains to be seen

The Burrito Bandito